Paksworld

Reached 497 just now, with the word count for the whole coming down slowly.

Here’s an example for discussion:  A courier arrives with an urgent message.  While the courier catches his breath, the recipient opens the message case.

The next sentence, originally, was this:  “He was already scanning the terse report.”

That form makes it clear that even as the courier pours and drinks the sib he was offered, the recipient is reading–it expresses the impatience of the recipient, his sense of urgency.

On this round of revision, I looked again at the whole scene.   The message is terse–short–quickly read.   Did I really need “was already scanning” for such a brief message?   How long would it take, literally, to open the message case (leather, tied with a thong), pull out the message, unroll or unfold it, and read it?  Which would take longer?   How long would it take the courier to pour and take a sip of the drink?   The courier has a mouthful when he’s asked what he knows about the message’s contents–he has to swallow before he can answer.   This time, read aloud, “was already scanning” just felt wrong…it felt to me that it loosened, rather than heightening, the tension.

So I tried out:  “He scanned the terse message.”

Read that silently and aloud, the whole passage.    Now it felt right.  The “pouring and sipping” actions were covered by opening the message container and unrolling it…and the recipient’s   “He scanned…” rather than “He was already scanning…” reinforced the “terse” in both length and rhythm.

It might feel better the other way to some readers.  That I can’t tell.   In some moods I might prefer the other…or at least would not find it an off-flavor.

In a few pages, I’ll cross the 500 page boundary and try to make it another 20-30 pages.  Or more, if things go well.   Word count now is 167,964.   It could go up or down by a thousand by the end, though it’s been dropping slowly for the past week.

(For those interested in the research angle…I do try out actions sometimes.  I have, because I like leather pouches and little boxes, of which I have an abundant clutter, lots of props to practice with.   This time I used a leather card-case.    Though people differ in the speed with which they manipulate objects, I like to have some realism at the root of the actions depicted. )