RDF/RSS Feed
Atom Feed
…that last week’s “phone call every parent dreads” ended well, with our autistic son alive, unhurt, and not detained by police. That’s very good news, and I have nothing but praise for the police & EMS handling of the situation–and this in a police force I have criticized before. It helps, of course, that our son is white, good-looking, and that all the long hours of coaching and practice on polite behavior meant he was polite and friendly to the police officers. All of those contributed to the way the police handled the situation. However, the situation and its aftermath pretty much ate our days from last Thursday at 6 pm when we got the first call through Monday’s last contact with the crisis management team.
Yes, I had a birthday on Friday, and a small party on Saturday, and these familiar rituals helped our son unwind from the very scary experiences of Thursday. They were more stressful than usual for the rest of us, because we were all concerned about our son…the guests included his godparents and long-time family friends.
So. That’s why, though I’ve replied to a few comments, there’s been no new post since the business-oriented one March 7, right after a phone conference with someone at my agent’s office, when my brain could briefly center on something that might interest you and that I could write about. I am edgy today, because (for most humans) irrational associations make us edgy one week, one month, one year after something happens…as if time were, as a calendar suggests, a series of repetitive cycles. When our son makes the same trip from a mall to his apartment today and nothing happens…I’ll start overwriting last week’s Thursday evening.
Meanwhile, the Farin Cook story is ALMOST finished. I’ve finally read through Richard’s suggestions for blog material that might be included in the story collections as background, and will be looking those up and making selections once Farin and Efla and the kitchen bunch are out of my head (well, mostly out of my head.) My web designer has found the design files I commissioned from a local artist years back, so we’re starting work on cover designs (or she is. I’m still working on the story.) Yesterday, I committed retail therapy and came home with some new plates to replace cracked and missing and aged-flaking ones, which meant driving almost the same route as last Thursday, when we drove down to pick up our son and bring him home…thus overlaying that scary drive with a pleasant memory. And now I’m off to get Farin’s hands out of the bread dough and end this story which–despite being conceived as a short story–is moving toward novella.
Comment by Joyce — March 13, 2014 @ 10:19 am
Every parent’s heart resonates with that same fear of an unexpected phone call with heart-stopping news of a child in crisis. It doesn’t matter if they’re 15 or 45, it feels the same. I’m hoping, and praying, as I’m sure all the readers here are, that a long, long succession of trouble-free days ensues.
Comment by elizabeth — March 13, 2014 @ 11:01 am
He’s thirty, but mentally and socially a lot younger.
Comment by Joyce — March 13, 2014 @ 11:39 am
Kudos to him for keeping his head and remembering his manners, and to the authorities for remembering that they are the protectors of the citizenry, and not it’s terrorists!
Looking forward to Farin Cook’s story!
Comment by elizabeth — March 13, 2014 @ 12:05 pm
The story’s bulked up another 2000 words…what’s going on is fairly complex. I could do no more than hint at some of that in Oath of Fealty, but with Farin as the POV, I have to let her tell the story. It’s headed over 10,000 words, I think (we’re over 9000 now and the end, though in sight, is still way down the track. Like many strong characters, when Farin gets hold of Viewpoint, she has a lot to say.
Comment by GinnyW — March 13, 2014 @ 1:29 pm
I like novella as a story form. It is long enough for the characters and situation to develop and short enough to read on the train, or waiting for an appointment.
I am glad that the crisis has resolved, and that your son managed the situation appropriately. When you and your husband stop shaking with the “might have beens”, you should be proud of him. It is an accomplishment to handle an emergency well, even if it is an accomplishment no one wants to have.
I am looking forward to Farin Cook’s story. The hint of a tangent to Oath of Fealty is tantalizing.
Comment by Nadine Barter Bowlus — March 13, 2014 @ 6:25 pm
Elizabeth, we’ve been to that particular parental hell. Glad things worked out for your family. They did for ours, but we all learned a lot of things we never thought we’d need to know. Still hold my breath when the phone rings at unusual times.
Thinking of a story from Farin Cook’s POV makes me smile and chuckle in anticipation.
Comment by Richard — March 14, 2014 @ 12:33 am
That on top of days of not being able to keep down any food – you have been through it.
I’ve good-news-after-bad of my own – my mother, who broke her hip two and a half weeks ago, is coming out of hospital today. She was away on a mini-break at the seaside (with a coach-load of bridge players from a local group she belongs to) so instead of being an hour’s drive away from me she was three hours (by train, that being easier, a twice-hourly service weekdays and weekends with one change).
By the way, is the Efla whom Dorrin took to the city house to cook for her and her escort a different Efla from the first one we met, whom the young men had raped? Efla in Vérella comes across as being older (older than the kitchen-boy Jaim, at any rate).
Comment by Jonathan Schor — March 14, 2014 @ 5:39 am
I am glad things worked out OK. It can be quite tough at times to be a parent – we care for our children – this is referenced all through your various books.
Comment by Annabel — March 14, 2014 @ 3:40 pm
I’m so glad your son is okay – and I hope he managed his skating and the subsequent journey with ease this week. I have just posted as my daily Lenten Thankfulness that I am thankful that skating demands such concentration (especially when you are rechoreographing a step sequence to try and get it called) that you have to put aside that which is bothering you – I hope your son finds the same.
Comment by Iphinome — March 14, 2014 @ 6:51 pm
I wasn’t aware it was possible to be polite to cops.
Comment by Naomi — March 14, 2014 @ 9:56 pm
Glad for you and your family that everything worked out, all the best to all of you
Comment by elizabeth — March 14, 2014 @ 10:10 pm
Richard: I’m glad your mother will be out of hospital–very sorry she broke her hip. It is the same Efla; the effect of not being scared out of her wits every moment has been a growth spurt internally.
Annabel: Our son doesn’t do any of the fancy things, but just skating around and around, in a rhythm, among other people, gives him pleasure. Especially in summer when it’s really hot here.
Iphinome: It is not only possible, but a tactical advantage, to be polite to police. For autists, in particular, the ability to be polite can be life-saving.
Naomi: Thanks. Me, too.
Comment by Iphinome — March 14, 2014 @ 10:37 pm
@Lady Moon
Then you have a paradox, since it is also disadvantage to be polite. They count on you being so to encourage you to talk. You want to help, you want to answer questions, bad idea. They either have a reason to do you harm–and I count depriving you of liberty as harm–or they want to find one else they would not be dealing with you. By forcing you to stop in a time they don’t have proof of wrongdoing–the lack of handcuffs around your wrists being evidence of lack of proof–they’ve already deprived you of liberty for a time.
The way to avoid helping them hurt you is to do things normally thought of as rude. Say I don’t want to talk to you, say I won’t talk to you, I don’t want to help you, leave me alone. The whole time they’ll say things like if you have nothing to hide… don’t you want to help? One could–perhaps–avoid showing one’s contempt for the person using a gun a and badge to intimidate you. But one must never follow the polite rules of society and answer questions or comply with requests, only orders.
Autists as part of the large set of non-conforming in perfectly legal ways are particular target for this type of intimidation.
More info can be found here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wXkI4t7nuc
Comment by pjm — March 15, 2014 @ 6:42 am
Iphinome, I disagree with you more than I agree. I do not doubt that there are times when it is better to tell the police nothing, but even then there is no need to be rude about it. It is not a breach of politeness in normal interactions to tell somebody (perhaps apologetically) that you do not feel like talking about something.
On the other hand there are times when it is wiser to tell the police as much as possible.
I disagree with your starting position that the police only deal with people they wish to harm (accepting your definition). Very often they intend to prevent harm or to find information which may help them solve another problem they have. Rudeness can change a citizen’s status from information source to problem.
If you are not able to feel confident that your police force is more concerned to protect you than to harm you, they are not doing their job. (Unless you are involved in crimes or acts of civil disobedience).
Elizabeth, I am very glad your son’s situation has been resolved. I think the resolution is itself an indication that your approach and his education have been correct.
Peter
Comment by elizabeth — March 15, 2014 @ 9:25 am
Iphinome: I think what we have here–between you and me, and you and pjm, for instance–is a difference in personal experience and background big enough to cause the disagreement you and we are expressing. Without making any other assumptions about you and your past, I would say that pjm and I have benefited from some level of privilege that you did not. I have had friends whose race made them a target for constant hassling by law enforcement…they were regularly stopped and asked where they were going, why, what they were “up to” etc. When I served on a grand jury, it was clear that the DA saw a black drunk driver differently than a white drunk driver. In my generation (and oboy does that make me sound old!!) my school friends knew–had been told by their parents, and had seen for themselves–that politeness gave a better income to nearly every interaction. Succeeding generations did not (always? often?) agree. I know that in some areas, and for some levels of non-privilege, even the most perfect level of courtesy could not provide fair treatment by the police or those holding the most privilege. What I think would be best here, in this venue where the main purpose is discussing the Paksworld books, is that we table this particular discussion. You have your reasons for thinking as you do, and I have mine, and pjm has his. If you want to discuss this in more detail, it should go to email, because I sense (rightly or wrongly) that it’s a hot button issue for you.
Comment by elizabeth — March 15, 2014 @ 9:32 am
pjm: As I have some evidence that this topic could heat up more than we want, I’m asking that we let this one lapse. This is largely because of the very clear memory of some friends whose experience–not theoretical bias–was that the police in their area were not there to protect them, but to hassle them and keep them in their place. (I did mention growing up in a multi-racial area, right? South Texas in the 1950s and–unfortunately–Texas all over still. Nor is is the only place, but seeing your friends deal with the constant suspicion and hassling is a definite learning experience.) So is being mistaken for a “Mexican” when deeply tanned in summer, and hearing from my mother that someone in nursing school called her a “dirty Mexican” and refused to be her roommate. For myself, yes, politeness has worked many times in difficult situations, but in many of those situations I was already granted some measure of respect because I’m Anglo (always seen as such now because I’m not working outside as much.)
Comment by GinnyW — March 16, 2014 @ 3:36 pm
I do not want advance a touchy subject, but in my (and my neighbors’/acquaintances’ experience) dealing with police depends alot on circumstances – where, when, who you are and who you are with, and how you come to their attention. Yes, there is harassment. There are times when seeing that policeman or policewoman show up is an enormous relief.
We see that in Paksworld in the different reactions that the soldiers get from villagers – especially reactions to Arcolin’s troops in the Paladin’s Legacy.